I have a lot to say and dont know if I'll  manage to get it out….
I"ve been lost somewhere inside myself for several days now... . ..it"s crazy and beyond explanation... But ... I feel as if i have another guilt attack....
It had to be traumatising coz I have never been like people...who make sand castles .... n expect it to be there forever....But now I want it to be....

From  past few days I was very excited about everything that was happening in my life, ( tried to push my innermost fears under the carpet) but … Was getting the feeling like I am over the moon. Someone that i find a connection with,is trying hard each moment to make me feel that everything that we are going through is OK...but I know, he knows its not....but i want to trust him...completely..

I feel very scared because I just keep thinking -what if it gets worse- I panic and lose control and in the process just hide in my self made cocoon...

Yesterday i watched "KANK" and i could so much see myself there...can really love happen after marriage. if no then what is it that i am going through and if Yes, then somebody please tell me what to do..?  

Since last night I am totally lost coz I don"t know what to do. There is so much crap going through my mind, so much , I doubt if anything I say would make any sense. i was getting as desperate as a person can get, last night, emotions overflowing...never felt like this before... The tears were hard to control, dint know what to do...Somebody has rightly said "Love is a powerful emotion". but Is it really Love...

I am like all so numb. …my mind acting like as though dead. This is not what I wanted in my life..... How can Things get messed up like this……with my no control over it...

I dont know if I should regret for me getting involved with him...but could i do anything
I was feeling that last night will not pass way…. That there is no dawn….but I know I was wrong…. he was there to take me through...he was there to help me come in terms with life...he was there to be with me when I needed him most... he was there to listen all, whatever i said, he was there, with me and helped me understand that- Nothing Good or bad last forever…..

but is it really so...is life that simple...dont know waht i want from life...